Thursday, March 12, 2009

Break ups

Breaking up is tough. Whoever says otherwise simply means they either have not been through it before or they do not have a relationship to begin with.

A friend of mine is currently going through it. I can empathise with him because I've walked that road before and looking at how his is similar to mine, it brings back memories.

My last break up is well etched in my mind because it was hell for me. It being sudden made me took years to get over and start anew.

The first few months was like being in a prison. I hate being in that state of mind of constantly having thoughts that can never end, yet I can't stop myself.

At first it was all about trying to rationalise what had happen. Naturally, being the party at the receiving end I end up blaming myself, regardless if it is my fault or not. Then it was about having to decide whether to continue trying to win her back or face the fact that it is all over.

Moving on is next and trying to forget someone I've been with for years seems futile as I was reminded of her at anything, anywhere and anytime. That was when I decided to get rid of anything related to her. Either I returned them or threw it all away. It was a hard decision, and something I toyed around with 'what ifs' . But I have no regret as I might still be stuck there and not move on.

The hardest part was nursing my wounds. The feeling of emptiness haunted me for a very long time. That turned to bitterness and I was filled with anger towards her for many years. Because of that, I closed my heart to any woman who came close.

When I finally let it go, I am practically lost. I stayed away from friends as they are mostly hitched and them being happy simply invoked resentment towards them. I had no girlfriends too as I stayed away from woman to prevent myself from getting hurt, closing my circle of potentials to practically zero. Confidence then drop to the lowest level along with self esteem and then depression sets in as I see no future for myself.

Sleep is the only exception from not wanting to do anything else. It's a vicious cycle that I never ever want to be in again or wish for anyone to.

I took sometime before I realise that I'm in a terrible place. So I got up and never look back.

I'm glad I have someone now. Not that being single sucks because being single is perfectly ok. It is being single and feeling crappy about yourself that sucks.

So if you're single, be happy. Don't resent anyone, be it your ex or someone who rejected your advancement because it will only make yourself bitter. You can't be happy if you're bitter can you? Being unhappy can lead to many things and it all ends in you suffering.

If you're attached, work on your relationship. I read this somewhere and I truly believe that it's true that there is no such thing as 'the one'. Your partner will be 'the one' when you work with him/her on the relationship.

I wish my friend the best and hopefully be there in his times of need.

If not for my previous break up, I would not have found my current love so to anyone out there who just broke up, your new life is just beginning.

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